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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

This morning, when I got to work, I got an email from the client, asking for yet another explanation of the issues involving the db_interface with Jaws.
I wrote out the following:

The problem with the search box delays things considerably.
Without knowing which criterion the member is going to provide, I have to
spend time scrolling through, (and waiting while the screen refreshes and
Jaws refocuses), before I can get to the next option.
This puts me in the position of having to make small talk with the customer
before I can even get the customer pulled up in the system.
As I’m sure you’re well aware, asking for a customer’s ID would not fix
this problem, as what the customer thinks is the ID could be anything from
a social security number to a prescription number.
Furthermore, referrals are also out, meaning that they can’t be done using
Jaws, and I’m sure you’re also well aware that that makes up a huge part of
what we do.
The current state of affairs does not allow me to meet the criteria set
forth by (client name deleted) for acceptable call lengths, which would effect my quality,
which effects my overall rating in general.
That’s a domino effect I’m not prepared to deal with.
I hope this is helpful.
Please keep this in your records in order to prevent re-explanations from
being necessary.

Pretty self-explanatory, right?
At least it should be to people who are supposed to know what they need to about Jaws so they can write accessible software.
Then, this afternoon, I got another email.
Now, they want screenshots of what I’m encountering.
Now, keep in mind that Jaws is a screenreader, which means that it interprets what’s on the screen and speaks it out loud.
I’ve explained time and time again that there aren’t any actual errors, as in, no error messages.
The problem is that Jaws and the db_interface do not cooperate.
So what do they ask for?
Specific error messages, and whether or not things are just real slow or can I just not use the system.
In other words, “We don’t care if it’s really slow, and you have to put up with cranky customers, and you have to try to bullshit your way into keeping them on the phone so you can argue with our kloogy interface, because it’s not our problem and we’re too lazy and stupid to fix it, but we don’t want to say we won’t fix it because then we’d look bad.”
I’d like to do my part to make sure every person involved in this clusterfuck is kicked out of the gene pool by midnight tonight.
This is a complete waste of my time.
And I should have known it was going to come to this.
“We can’t fix it, because, well, we don’t know how and we don’t want to learn, and it’s not our scores at stake so what do we care, so we’re just going to blame it on you and let you deal with it, and to hell with whatever objections and/or explanations you give us.”
These are the people running America’s companies people!
These idiots, and more like them, infest the board rooms and upper management positions of corporations everywhere.

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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

We actually have some work-related, non-Jaws-help-quotation news.
Unfortunately, it didn’t pan out.
The client sent a URL for me to try, but the syntax is bad.
They had spaces throughout the whole thing.
I tried replacing the spaces with %20, (you can’t have spaces in URLs), but that didn’t work either.
I learned that you can’t have spaces in URLs way back in my “intro to Windows” (it was actually Introduction to Computers), in my freshman year of college.
If this was passed to the go-between by the actual programmers, then we’re in big trouble.

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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

I promised you all the back story to yesterday’s nasty little shock, and now seems as good a time as any to tell it.
I’ve been sitting on it for the last week or so, because it was just too traumatic to really go out there and tell the world about.
But I figure I should go ahead and put it out there as a warning, because this site’s going to probably get a lot more offensive to some people.
I was robbed and assaulted last Sunday night, (for those of you who are Jewish, the Sunday before Pesach, and for those of you who are Christian, Palm Sunday).
This time, it was at the apartment.
I got a knock on the door at about 11:30 at night, and, being half asleep, was more annoyed at being disturbed than at the fact that there was someone at the door I went out to the livingroom and asked who it was, and a man’s voice asked for me by name.
I opened the door to see what he wanted.
When I did so, the man stepped just inside, and asked what was up.
Someone else walked past, and that definitely bothered me, but in the sense of “Hey, I didn’t give you permission to just waltz on in,” not in the sense that something was about to go down.
I told the man I didn’t know who he was, and I wanted to know who he was looking for.
He told me he was looking for me, and that we were “real close friends”.
I told him again I didn’t know who he was, and that he needed to make sure he had the right address.
I assumed he was just drunk, because other people have come by looking for people while drunk, although never me, and they only knocked on the door before they realized they were at the wrong place.
The man pulled out a piece of paper, saying he needed to check the address.
He had said he was looking for apartment “letter-of-my-building”, and I told him that this entire building was that letter, and he needed a specific number.
He looked at his piece of paper, and said he had the wrong address.
He and his “friend” walked out, and I went to shut the door, but as I did so, the man grabbed me and threw me to the ground.
He put his hand over my mouth so I couldn’t scream for help.
I thought he was either going to rape me or kill me.
He asked if I had any money, and removed his hand just enough for me to say yes or no.
I told him I didn’t have any, and he told me to be quiet, and got up, and took the TV off the stand, and took the DVD player, wires included, with him.
As soon as I got the door shut and locked, I dialed 911.
The police came, took a statement, and did a report.
I also had them call my friend Andrew to come over because I was totally freaked out, and because I needed someone to catalog what was missing.
It also turned out that my cell phone “walked” out, along with my keys and all my identification, and bank card.
The police, and everyone else, think this robbery is connected to the other one I was involved in, the one where an ex-coworker stole $320 from me.
They think she might have been the other person in the place, since she didn’t speak at all, most likely because she knew I would recognize her voice.
I agree wholeheartedly.
Now, I’m trying to deal with it, and that’s where the blog will get very politically incorrect, not like I made an effort to be pulitically correct in the first place.
As a result of this, I’m feeling several emotions, in no particular order: Fear, anger, and a certain degree of powerlessness because of not being able to make any identification.
And, to top it all off, I think the man is here at work.
I can smell the cologne he was wearing, along with the cigarette smoke smell that hung around him.
I think he’s made it a point to cross my path several times today, because he knows I can’t identify him.
Friday, that freaked me out really badly, and I went home and drank a lot.
Today, it really pisses me off.
I really hope the cops manage to get these bastards.
They took my bank card, and tried to use it fourteen different times in one day, several of which were major attempted purchases at 711 type stores, and some attempts to get gas, (which, if my bank account is any indication, they got), and some ATM attempts, even though they didn’t have a pin.
Someone had to have seen them, or gotten video, or something.
I just can’t believe that anyone could get away with something like this.
And if they do, I hope they die a really horrible death or something like that.
I mean, I hope that happens anyway, but I at least want them to know they’ve been caught and will have the book thrown at them.
I think this is one of the lowest crimes one could commit, alomst down there with rape and child molestation and domestic violence, and I firmly believe that they should be punished.
Not by going to jail where they have cable, I mean a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison, where they can become prison bitches.
Quite frankly, I’d like to have a hand in their punishment, and death if possible.
I don’t think they have any rights left.
And, in case anyone’s wondering, I’d say the same thing if they did it to someone else.
It’s very clear they used my blindness against me.
Not just took advantage of it, but actively used it as a weapon against me.
It’s really enough to drive a person to the very far right when it comes to oppinions on criminal justice, and I’ll post some articles on that later.
Right now I’m just trying to work through all of this, and I think this is one of the better ways to do it, because this is going to color my life for a while in one way or another.
I think this has been the most difficult post to write.
It’s taken me almost two hours to do it.

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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

I’ve got a serious migraine.
I took three Excedrin earlier, probably around 4:00 or so, but it hasn’t helped.
I also went outside to get some air, because it’s nine hundred degrees in here, but that didn’t help either.
I hate it when things get like this.
Mr. Frodo came by earlier, and asked me to try logging in to the Portal interface, which I did, and have been doing, although he wouldn’t have known that.
It works.
I’m not sure what he wanted me to do that for, but we’ll see.
I got the information I was supposed to send, or rather, he was supposed to send, to the blind employee, (known from here on out as Ya’akov, just because continuously saying “blind employee” is too much to type, and I think a tad disrespectful, given that he’s really manifested concern over this situation and seems to be genuinely honest), and copied Mr. Frodo on that message this morning.
I didn’t see any need to reinvent the wheel.
Other than that, not much, but it is sort of some progress.
I like the fact it’s staying light for longer and longer.
I’m not a big fan of short days and long nights, especially when those nights are cold.
It’s supposed to warm up later this week.
I hope it stays that way, or at least most of the time.
I’m here an extra fifteen minutes tonight, so that means fifteen minutes of overtime.
I’m going to go home and do laundry, despite the headache.
It needs to be done, and it’s not going to do any good to put it off.
I have no idea what I’m doing for dinner.
I had a salad for lunch, so that’s most likely out.
Probably just a sandwitch.
I’m not feeling like a full meal.

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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

I swear, on a stack of Bibles, I’m not making this up.
Apparently, some enterprising souls have decided to make the all-out accommodation to laziness: A really huge toilet.
I could rant about the idiocy involved here, but I think David does a much better job than I could.
I do have a question though.
What happens if a really skinny person visits someone who has one of these installed, and has to visit the “smallest room”?
Or better yet, what if Joy visits.
Does she get a harness to make sure she doesn’t fall in?
For those reading this who don’t know who Joy is, suffice it to say she’s about four foot 6, and really tiny.
So first of all, she’d probably have to have a ladder to get to the seat.
Then, she’d have to have a seatbelt or something to keep her in place.
Ponder that while you’re having your morning coffee.

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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

Shirah Schmitt finally brings reason back to Cross-Currents.
And so, it seems, has Ismar Schorsch.
in Shirah’s case, I’m glad someone has decided to call for an end to the mockery going on.
It’s all fine and well if you don’t agree with the derech chosen by the Conservative movement, and as long as you express your disagreement in a civil manner, I have no problem with that.
But being smug and sarcastic isn’t going to win you any supporters, nor is it going to win your form of observance any supporters.
The liberal movements cannot be expected to show you the respect you deserve if you don’t return the favor.
By being sarcastic, you only encourage more derision, and that derision isn’t going to stop unless either side recognizes that there’s no need to express disagreement by descending to the level of rudeness.
Derech Eretz is a mitzvah too.
I also agree with Rabbi Schorsch when he says that the past shouldn’t be discarded lightly.
And what is this with folks going to seminary to become rabbis in order to push their own agenda?
Correct me if I’m wrong, but a rabbi’s job isn’t to push a personal agenda.
It’s to lead a congregation, and/or make Halachic rulings, emphasis on Halachic.
If you think the Conservative movement is twenty years behind Reform, then join Reform.
Activist rabbis are like activist judges: We don’t need either.

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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

It looks like my skepticism was once again proven to be intuition.
The pilot for the db_interface isn’t going to be released next week.
Now, it’s going to be released on April 14th.
Mr. Frodo did make it a point to communicate though, which is good.
I won’t call it a step in the right direction, because he could, and probably will, regress back into the depths of rudeness and corporate idiocy.
He has a meeting with the other blind employee tomorrow, which I unfortunately can’t be a part of.
He says he’ll discuss with me afterwords though.
Once again, we’ll see what happens.
Mr. Frodo says the guy seems to be “genuine and honest,” which could mean anything from he actually is genuine and honest, to he’s really good at the corporate spin.

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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

I think Mr. Frodo needs to add a new specialty to his resume: Pointlessologist.
Allow me to explain.
I went into his office, and he was already in a defensive mood.
He definitely didn’t want me in there, and he definitely didn’t want to hear any of my objections to the current travisty I call my worklife.
I explained to him that I have nothing personal against him, (OK, I really do, but that’s beside the point), but that this situation has gone way past inappropriate.
He cut me off, asking what I was trying to say.
He should know me by now.
If I say something, that’s what I mean.
And that’s what I told him.
I said exactly what I meant.
He got up from behind his desk, walked out, and brought the html specialist in.
She was on the other side of the cubicle, and since he didn’t say anything to her, he must have signaled, and I’m sure there was a lot in that signal.
There usually is.
Anyway, she came in, and he asked her if she had a date on when the next pilot of the db_interface is supposed to be released.
She called the on-sight client rep’s boss, and he says next week.
We’ll see.
After Ms. Specialist left, I gave Mr. Frodo the name of the other blind employee, and he typed and sent an email, although I don’t know where he got the address from, as he’s not listed in the directory with an email address.
He didn’t read the email as he typed it, but he mumbled as he wrote, something about career pathing.
Then, I got some blather about how he could put me in an admin position, but that he feels I’m just too talented for that, with a lot of lathered on something-or-other that I think was supposed to be passion about the subject at hand, namely making sure that I live up to my potential with the company.
He really worked hard to stroke my ego.
He told me how talented I was, and expected me to agree with him.
Like I’m that thick.
He also remarked, (after misspelling Windoweyes), that I have a “slang” accent.
That’s just a nice way to say I’m trash.
Talk about inferiority complex.
I made it a point to let him know I’m disgusted in the communication situation, and I also made it a point to let him know I’m skeptical about next week’s supposed pilot release.
In the end, I never got to mention the media.
That doesn’t mean I won’t contact them by next week.
And in the final analysis, I was one hundred percent right.
Mr. Frodo is a pompous, arrogant bastard who’s so intent on being politically correct he’s tripping over his own two feet, while screaming to the world with his actions that he’s never dealt with blind people, and probably hasn’t dealt with anyone else with any other disability either.
He likes to do whatever he can to level the playing field, even if that means bringing others into a meeting in order to back up his position.
I could have pushed the media issue, but the situation would have descended very fast.
He was hoping I’d say something that could be construed as unprofessional, or insubordinate.
He was very passively aggressive, and I think the best thing to do was to not mention the media, get whatever information I could, and go ahead with that anyway.
Time will tell if the pilot gets released, and whether or not any of the issues will be fixed, although I have my doubts.
I was going to give them until next Wednesday.
I’ll give them until next Friday.
The following Monday, I’ll say go as far as the media is concerned.

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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

I have a meeting with Mr. Frodo this afternoon.
I have some news for him, and it doesn’t have anything to do with car insurance.
I’m letting him know that he’s got a week before I take this situation to the media.
I’m tired of screwing around with this entire company, and I’m not prepared to put up with it any longer.
What’s he going to do?
I mean, yeah, he could threaten to fire me, but if he does fire me for this, then it gets a whole lot bigger.
And I can’t sit around afraid of being fired for doing what I know needs to be done, and probably should have been done a long time ago.
It’s not like they’re going to have a change of heart, and just all the sudden stop jerking me around.
They’ll do that as long as I let them get away with it.
They’re not going to fix the situation, and there’s no reason for me to believe anything they say about it.
I’ve done that for the last three, going on four months, and it’s done nothing but bring me more disappointment.
So I figure, what the hell.
I asked about the former support team member, the one who got fired a couple of weeks ago for speaking out about business practices we all know are inethical.
She’s apparently landed on her feet.
She has a new job, and she’s better off than she was while she was working here.
That helped a little to crystalize my final decision.
I mean, I was intent on coming in this morning and letting Mr. Frodo know the deal, but knowing that my former coworker landed on her feet after the crucifixion she received from the thugs in power sort of cemented my resolve.
And then I thought about the fact that I have someone who’ll catch me if I fall.
He helped me out of a really bad situation financially recently, and is behind me regarding the crap going on at work.
I told him last night that I was going to drop the media bomb, and he didn’t advise against it.
I have to add that I always take his advice into consideration, not because I’m incapable of making my own decisions, but because I’ve never found it to be wrong.
If he’s not sure about something, he won’t give advice on the subject.
If something happens, then he’ll be there to catch me, because he knows I’m not doing this because I want to be an idiot.
I’m doing it because someone has to put an end to this, and it’s not going to be the thugs that run this place.
They could care less.
The only reason they haven’t let me go before now is because they know they can’t.
And there’s no reason why they should be allowed to just continue letting things go on like they have.
I sat at the same table as Mr. Frodo while I was in the break room eating lunch.
I felt a little guilty about being nice to him knowing what I’m going to tell him this afternoon, but then I considered that it would really do any good to be a wench.
After all, business is business.
I can’t say I don’t relish the opportunity to put the fear of God into him, because he’s a rube, and he needs something like that to happen.
For months now, he’s sauntered around here, trying to level the playing field every time he talks to me because he’s intimidated by me.
He always gives me the run-around, and pretty much just brushes me off, while not saying anything derogatory in order to avoid an HR issue.
To say I haven’t imagined what it will be like to see him squirm, however slightly, would be a lie.
But it’s not going to bother me if he doesn’t.
If he wants to call my bluff, then fine.
But either way, something needs to happen.
I can’t just sit here and allow myself to be pushed around.
To those who might say I should be greatful I’m getting paid, and that I have no choice but to take it, I respectfully submit that you’re very wrong.
I’m still being paid due to the fact that I can’t be fired for this, not due to any graciousness or generosity on the part of my employer.
And besides, people don’t have to accept the short end of the stick just because that’s all that’s offered.
Sure, they can, and I’d never fault anyone for doing so if that’s what they believe they need to do, because God will reward them for it in the hereafter or something.
But at the same time, it would be seriously disrespectful to myself to accept the short end of the stick without question, or to just take it when offered, mumble my thanks, and then bitch about it later.
Coming back to my former coworker, I think that maybe her finding a new and better job so quickly was her reward for being willing to speak the truth, and even going so far as to act upon that willingness, even if it meant losing her job.
I’m not saying that’s a surity, just a possibility.
And coming back to the person who’s been here supporting me through all of this, and every other time I’ve been knocked to the ground by this company, sometimes I wonder if he’s not been the answer to all the prayers I’ve prayed every time I end up in a bind.
I’m not saying that he’s being micromanaged by God or anything like that.
That would be too simplistic and foolish.
But he’s always been there to extend a hand when I needed it, or a shoulder, or an ear.
He’s been a true companion through all of the ups and downs I’ve been through over the last several years.
And he’s done more than just be there, he’s acted as well, before I even had the chance or urge to ask.
Surely he’ll be there once more if the need arrises.
OK, I’m done waxing philosophical.

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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

It appears as though, in a bid to keep the prohibition against homosexuality in place, the executive committee of the Committee on Laws and Standards within Conservative Judaism secretly passed a ruling last summer that raises the number of votes needed to canonize a minority oppinion from six to twenty.
According to those in favor of lifting the ban on homosexuality, the ruling was enacted specifically to prevent their oppinion from becoming law within the Conservative movement.
They claim that the ruling was passed without their knowledge, and that they only found out about it last week, during discussions concerning the ban.
All of this tells me that the Conservative movement is running like a well-oiled corporate machine.
If we want to keep from acknowledging what we all know is the majority oppinion anyway, then we’ll just come up with new criteria for voting in new oppinions, and classify it under “Needs of the Movement”.
Kind of like “Needs of the Business”.
This is the official way of saying, “We’ll do whatever we want.”
Not that I disagree with the outcome that the traditionalists are trying to achieve.
They have a situation in which precedence has already been established allowing legal decisions to be influenced by what the layity thinks, based on personal oppinion instead of consideration of Halachic sources.
The only problem is, now you have to live with it.
Conservative Judaism is supposed to be committed to the Halachic approach.
If that’s the case, then there’s no way you can honestly not forbid homosexual unions, and you definitely can’t allow active homosexuals to be ordained as clergy.
The Torah is very clear about the prohibition of homosexuality.
There’s nothing ambiguous about it.
While I find the use of strong-arm tactics reprehensible, especially in what is supposed to be a religious setting, I find the end the traditionalists are trying to achieve the right one.
But what amazes me more is that Eyton Kober is so worked up about all this.
He goes out of his way to heap sarcasm where it’s pointless.
It seems to me as though he expects the Conservative movement to just discard the prohibition, rather than allow that some in the movement might actually be in favor of letting the prohibition stand because the Torah says it should.
This beggs the question.
There are Orthodox Jews who abandon the laws of Lashon Harah.
Does that mean they should abandon Halachic observance altogether?
After all, the argument seems, “Since you don’t observe all of Halachah, then you should just quit observing it altogether.”
Is that what you’re really after.
Yes, the tactics are wrong.
But it seems to me that they’re trying to work within a system which already stacks the deck against traditionalists anyway.
And, more to the point, why do you care?
You’ve already written the movement off.
To say that you haven’t written off each individual Jew within the movement is an argument of symantics.
That would be like someone who has written off Orthodoxy saying they’ve written off the movement, but not each individual Jew.
It wouldn’t carry much weight with you either.
So, since the movement is of no consequence, (in your book, it’s not even Judaism), Why do you care what goes on in its committee meetings.

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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

I just spent the last half hour or so cutting up vegetables for what was supposed to be a nice, big salad for tomorrow’s lunch.
It turns out I don’t have any plastic bags around, (you know, the ones you get from the grocery store), and my lunch box is too small for the container.
So that nice big salad will be tomorrow night’s dinner.
It’s got lettuce, carrots, cucumbers, cheese, and turkey, and I’ve got some Ranch dressing in a separate container.
So all I’ll have to do after work tomorrow is come home, get a fork, and eat.
I suspect that something will go wrong tomorrow at work, and I won’t feel like cooking anyway.
I really do hate to have to be that pesimistic about my job, but for now, it’s just the practical thing to do.
I hope everyone’s had an enjoyable weekend.

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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

This really sucks.
I still have overhalf the day left.
Nothing new has happened.
I’ve brought some books to read, and I’ll probably read for a little while.
This has gotten completely ridiculous.
I’m starting to wonder if there’s ever going to be an end to it all.
It’s been over three months now, and still no changes.
Am I going to be condemned to coming in here every day and just sitting around for as long as I’m here?
Last week, when I asked Mr. Frodo about the admin position again, he asked about my ability to go and pick up things from the store if needed.
I still haven’t been able to get in touch with the other blind employee.
Every email address I’ve managed to dig up has failed.
John’s apparently lost several members of the support team within the last couple of days.
One is an in-team trainer, one got fired for reasons I won’t mention on this blog for fear of one of the corporate pinheads seeing this and my geting fired for speaking out as a result.
And the final losses were promoted to supervisor positions on the new project.
Other than that, nothing special, except the New Blog Showcase.
This week, however, it’ll be a little different.
I’m combining it with this week’s Open Trackback post, which means that only blogs three months old or younger should trackback.
If your blogging platform doesn’t support trackbacks, you can use the Wizbang Standalone Trackback Pinger.
There will be another OTBP on Thursday, as usual.
You’ll also want to check with Random Yak, as that’s the next stop for the Blog Showcase.
Confession: I really don’t have the hang of this.
But that should be clean enough for True Confessions Day.

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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

So far, no response from the operations manager.
The little jerk could have at least written back and said no.
He hasn’t even come to say anything about it.
Man, if all you have to do to be an operations manager around here is spout crap, I could do that in my sleep.
I’m so tired of the people around here.
Today’s not going to be very nice.

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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

An email came down the line today, saying that the DB_Interface and Jaws issues will be solved in version 9.5, (we’re in 9.3), and that this should happen by the end of March.
I’m not holding my breath, or rather, I shouldn’t hold my breath, but I can’t help but hope a little.
I really shouldn’t do this, because, so far, every time I have, I’ve been let down.
I’ve really got to perfect the jaded thing.
No reply to my invoice.
In fact, John mentioned it to the operations manager, and his response was basically “That’s nice,” if not in those exact words.
In other words, he’ll admit he messed up and submit for the pay discrepancy, but won’t take financial responsibility.
What a jerk.
I just hope I can manage to find a way to juggle everything so that my rent gets paid, and get through what is going to prove a very tight next two weeks.
God that sucks.

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Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

By WILLIAM C. TAYLOR
NY Times

www.nytimes.com/2006/02/26/business/yourmoney/26mgmt.html?pagewanted=print

PAUL M. ENGLISH never imagined that a pet peeve would become such a
cause
célèbre. For more than four years, Mr. English, a veteran technologist
and
serial entrepreneur, has maintained a blog on which he shares
everything
from his favorite chocolate cake recipe to the best management advice
he’s
received.

But last summer, fed up with too many aggravating run-ins with awful
customer service, Mr. English posted a blog entry that reverberated
around
the world: a “cheat sheet” that explained how to break through
automated
interactive voice-response systems at a handful of companies and speak
to a
human being. He named the companies and published their codes for
reaching
an operator – codes that they did not share with the public.

The reaction was overwhelming. Visitors to the blog began contributing
their own code-breaking secrets and spreading the word. The consumer
affairs specialist for The Boston Globe wrote about Mr. English, who
is now
the chief technical officer of Kayak.com, a travel search engine he
helped
to found, and gave his online cheat sheet mainstream attention. That
led to
appearances on MSNBC, NPR and the BBC, an article in People magazine –
and
more than one million visitors to the blog in January alone.

So, this month, Mr. English transformed his righteous indignation into
a
full-blown crusade. He started Get Human, which he calls a grass-roots
movement to “change the face of customer service.” The accompanying
Web
site, www.gethuman.com, sets out principles for the right ways for
companies to interact with customers, encourages visitors to rate
their
experiences (the site is to issue a monthly best-and-worst list), and
publishes many more secret codes unearthed by members of the movement.
As
of last week, the ever-expanding cheat sheet offered
cut-through-the-automation tips for nearly 400 companies.

“I’m not anticomputer,” Mr. English explained over lunch near his
office in
suburban Boston. “I’ve been a programmer for more than 20 years. I’m
not
anticapitalist. I’m on my fifth start-up. But I am anti-arrogance. Why
do
the executives who run these call centers think they can decide when I
deserve to speak to a human being and when I don’t?”

The Get Human cheat sheet makes for entertaining – and mystifying –
reading. Want to reach an operator at a certain major bank? Just press
0#0#0#0#0#0#. Want to reach an agent at a big dental insurance
company?
Press 00000, wait through a message, select language, 4, 0. Want to
reach a
human at a leading consumer electronics retailer? Press 111## and wait
through three prompts asking for your home phone number.

It would be funny if it weren’t so depressing – and such bad business.
Countless chief executives pledge to improve their company’s products
and
services by listening to the “voice of the customer.” Memo to the
corner
office: Answer the phone! How can companies listen to their customers
if
those customers have such a hard time reaching a human being when they
call?

The obvious defense is that it’s prohibitively expensive to offer the
personal touch to millions of curious, confused, angry (or even
enthusiastic) callers. The trouble is, companies tend to be better at
cutting costs than at identifying missed opportunities.

Richard Shapiro is president of the Center for Client Retention in
Springfield, N.J., a business that dials out to customers who have
dialed
in to toll-free call centers and asks them to evaluate their
experiences.
He argues that customers who interact with human beings are more
likely
than other callers to volunteer useful information, try out a new
product
and come away with a strong sense of loyalty – positive outcomes that
are
eliminated by excessive automation.

“You create more value through a dialogue with a live agent,” Mr.
Shapiro
said. “A call is an opportunity to build a relationship, to encourage
customers to stay with the brand. There can be a real return on this
investment.”

It’s a point that too many cost-conscious companies seem willing to
overlook. In an era of fierce competition, when customers have more
choices
than ever, the toughest business challenge isn’t to keep expenses
down.
It’s to keep loyalty high. Anything that a company does to make its
products and services a little more engaging, a little less ordinary,
can
pay big dividends. Anything like, say, answering the phone.

Commerce Bancorp, the service-crazed retail bank based in Cherry Hill,
N.J., has generated big returns by injecting a playful spirit into a
notoriously bland business. Its 375 branches, including 47 in New York
City, organize street fairs and celebrations to promote an
entertaining
mood. The locations also feature colorful change-counting machines and
upbeat employees, who every Friday are decked out in red, often to
hilarious effect. The company calls its strategy “retailtainment” –
and it
applies as much to its call center as it does to its branches in
Chinatown
or on Broadway.

“Traditional banking is low cost, low service, low growth,” said
Dennis M.
DiFlorio, president for retail banking and operations at Commerce.
“It’s
like the electric company; everybody needs one and they’re all
terrible.
We’ve built a brand on service, convenience and fun. Our call center
is not
a necessary evil. It’s an integral part of the brand. Every call is an
opportunity to reinforce to the customer that they made a good
decision by
banking with us.”

Forget automation or outsourcing to India. At the Commerce call center
in
Mount Laurel, N.J., 630 employees abide by a strict code of neatness –
“no
sweat pants, no slippers, no junk on the desks,” Mr. DiFlorio
cracked – and
they, too, wear red on Friday, even though customers can’t see them.

Incoming calls are routed easily and directly to agents, who are
encouraged
not just to inform but also to maintain the same friendly and informal
spirit of the branches. “We try to create as much buzz as we can in
our
call center,” Mr. DiFlorio said, “so we can create smiles on the
customers
who call.”

To be sure, few companies can summon the everyday exuberance of
Commerce
Bank. But there is another cost-effective strategy for enhancing the
human
element: make the company so easy to do business with that fewer
customers
call with problems, which frees resources to meet the needs of those
who do
call.

“The reason people are dialing the 1-800 number is that they’re having
a
bad experience in some other channel,” said Mark Hurst, founder and
president of Creative Good, a consulting firm that advises companies
on how
to improve the customer experience. He is amazed, he said, at how
difficult
it remains on most Web sites for customers to do little things like
revise
an order or track a shipment. “If e-commerce were much, much simpler,”
he
said, “a huge percentage of these calls would never be made.”

JIM KELLY, chief customer service officer at ING Direct, the online
bank
with 3.5 million customers and deposits of nearly $40 billion, takes
the
case for simplicity a step further. ING Direct keeps its entire
product
line simple. It offers a small number of easy-to-understand products
such
as savings accounts, certificates of deposit and no-frills mortgages.
The
savings programs entail no annual fees or account minimums.

As a result, the average ING Direct customer calls the bank only 1.6
times
a year. The calls that do come in are answered by full-time employees
who
don’t rely on scripted answers and don’t work under strict time
limits.

“The key word for us is simplicity,” Mr. Kelly said. “If you eliminate
service charges and hidden fees, you eliminate most of the problems
and
complaints. Then the only reason for people to call is to do business.
And
those are calls you’re eager to take.”

That sort of thinking is music to Paul English’s ears – although most
days,
his ears are ringing with outrage from aspiring consumer activists
eager to
join Get Human. “There’s a little ‘rage against the machine’ to this,
but
there’s a business message as well,” Mr. English said. “I want
companies to
wake up and ask themselves, ‘How did we ever let it get this bad?’ ”

note
· · to read

Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

We just got userids and pwds for the apps, and the first impression isn’t favorable.
There’s a combo box or something you’re supposed to use to select options in the main ap that does literally nothing.
Jaws is completely silent.
There’s another app that seems to be some sort of alert page, but since none of the tables are labeled, you have to arrow down the entire page.
The combo boxes on that page are hovertext boxes, that take you automatically to a selection when you arrow to it, and the links are moseover as well.
Using the mouseover command doesn’t allow them to click.
Not good for accessibility purposes.
John says he has some more work for me to do, more entering of information in to the scheduling client.
I’m glad for that.
It makes me feel like I’m coming into work and making some sort of an impact, however small.